I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Send help, water and tortillas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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