I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
