Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
