Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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