my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
