I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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