Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
