You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
