i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
