The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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