Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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