All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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