I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
