dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
