i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
