She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
