i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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