so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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