party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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