I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
