so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
