Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize