Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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