I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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