get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW