I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?