i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.