Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic