i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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