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No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
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