wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment