can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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