What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
