So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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