(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
