I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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