so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Did you just see the Batmobile???
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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