So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she peed on how many people?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
