If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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