i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
