you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
