Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
