I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
