I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I still have a little drunk in my system
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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