last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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