is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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