the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
