I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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