So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
