I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
