two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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