It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.