i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"