Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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