.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
