Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
