We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
