I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
