Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
