I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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