Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
