He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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