Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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