Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
