I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
