Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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