i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
