How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
