My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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