so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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