walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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