Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
