I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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