How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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