I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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