worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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