Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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