John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
