dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
