my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
