I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
