It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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