when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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