I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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