I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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